Hosing Down the Flames of Irrational
Hatred
About five years ago I wrote a piece
entitled, “Giada De Laurentiis: Don't Hate Her Because She's Beautiful.” In it I attempted to point out the absurdity of hating
on a person you don't really know.
Hate is an example of an extreme
emotion, one often devoid of rational purpose. It represents a deep
dislike directed toward individuals, groups, objects, or ideas.
Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger, disgust, and a
disposition towards hostility. It is described by Sigmund Freud as
“an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its
unhappiness.”
It is an unfortunate reality of modern
life that the Internet provides both a haven and an outlet for the
small-minded and the big-mouthed, people often described in the vernacular
as “haters.” Secure in their anonymity, they bloviate endlessly
about the objects of their misguided emotions. Hence, it was
surprising to me that it took five years for an anonymous hater to
crawl out of the woodwork and fire off a farrago of baseless drivel
regarding my defense of Ms. De Laurentiis. In typical fashion, the
author took potshots at both my subject and me. She wrote:
“You are either a complete idiot,
delusional or related to the aforementioned Giada. Your blinded love
for the grimacing bobblehead Giada De Laurentiis has apparently
resulted in mental illness. You have made the absurd assumption that
all who have expressed a dislike for your beloved Giada are either
obese or "flat chested". I fall into neither one of those
categories as I am sure many other Giada"haters" do not as
well. As an extremely trim and very attractive and educated woman in
my own right, I can say that it is damn sure not jealously that fuels
my dislike for De Laurentiis. De Laurentiis has a smile that could
easily scare off wild animals when she bears those teeth. Not to
mention that freakishly large head of hers and her obvious need for
male attention. Those pushup bras she struts while cooking ain't for
the ladies my dimwitted friend and fyi, I am definitely not lacking
in the boob department just in case you're wondering. Your demented
and long-winded diatribe makes you sound more like a potential
stalker than an actual fan. Get help!”
I rarely rise to such obvious bait. I
usually just delete it and forget it. And I probably should have done
that in this case, but I didn't. I chose to respond as follows:
“Wow. Congratulations on leaving me
almost speechless. Almost. The pathos engendered by your vitriolic
harangue prompts me to leave it posted for awhile just for the comic
benefit. But allow me to respectfully suggest that I am not the one
in need of "help," mia tesoro.
In the first place, before you rant on and on about the level of your education, please learn the difference between 'bear' and 'bare.' Giada does, indeed, bear teeth. Probably thirty-two of them. And I suspect she would bare them over the blustering fulminations of a self-identified 'hater.'
Before we discuss my 'mental illness,' may I point out that hating someone over superficial physical attributes is none too healthy? Have you ever met Giada or spent time in her presence? I didn't think so. I have, even though I am not a relative or a bosom buddy. (Pun intended.) She's large-breasted. Wow. What a reason to hate somebody. Does Dolly Parton – another busty acquaintance of mine – make your hate list, too? Giada's head appears to be too large for her small frame. That should certainly cause an 'educated' person to hate her. And most egregious of all, she smiles too much. My God! Off with her bobblehead!
I don't limit or cheapen myself with a ridiculous focus on physical characteristics. I'm not as fixated on 'boobs' as you seem to be. Neither a brainless Neanderthal fanboy nor a 'potential stalker,' I simply appreciate Giada's personality, talent, and ability. Those are the things that make her beautiful in my estimation. I have made the effort to look beyond the construct of Food Network executives and producers and see the person underneath as somebody I enjoy watching, learning from, and knowing.
I talked to Giada once about 'haters.' Her take on the subject was simple: 'I think that people will talk about you regardless, and it doesn't matter whether you're doing great or you're not doing great, up or down, there's always going to be haters and there's always going to be people who like you and you just can't please everybody.' And I don't think she wastes too much time trying to please the likes of you.
I will bring yet another long-winded diatribe to a close with a final question: the word 'demented' is defined as 'driven to behave irrationally due to anger, distress, or excitement.' Based on our respective comments, which of us does that more accurately describe?”
I feel better now, but beyond that, I
believe I have yet again validated my point that it is ludicrous to
“hate” another human being based merely upon their outward
appearance. Isn't that the basis of racism?
I don't particularly care for Sandra
Lee. Or Paula Deen. Rachael Ray is not among my favorites. But I
don't go off frothing at the mouth about Sandra's figure or Paula's
age or Rachael's voice. I've seen them all on TV and I've seen some
of them in person and my antipathy is based not on physical
shortcomings but on intangible aspects of their personalities that I
simply don't like. I know people who think Giada is fake and
pretentious. That's their takeaway based on what they see on TV and
there's not much that she or anybody else can do about it. You know
what opinions are akin to and everybody's got one. But to “hate”
someone based on the largeness of her breasts is a sure indicator of
the smallness of the hater's mind. And throwing around terms like
“freakishly large” and “grimacing bobblehead” and describing
a person's smile as being capable of scaring wild animals is petty,
narrow, and mean-spirited in the extreme. Certainly not the milieu of
an “educated” person. The commenter sings her own praises with
her description of her attractiveness and takes pains to point out
that she is “definitely not lacking in the boob department just in
case you're wondering.” Believe me, I wasn't. But what if, in my
own perception, I found her knees to be knobby and her butt to be
broad? What if I think she has “freakishly large” feet? Does that
give me the right to define her as a person? If there was a sway to
her hips that I found suggestive, would I be justified in standing in
the midst of a crowd screaming “slut?” Best reexamine your
vaunted education, cara, because
your pettifogging intolerance is showing.
I like Giada. You want to know who else
I like? I like Lidia Bastianich and Mary Ann Esposito. And I damn
sure ain't fawning over the latter pair because of their looks.
(Hmmmm.......come to think of it, Lidia smiles an awful lot, too.
Maybe I have a secret desire to be a dentist.) You can call me
dimwitted – oh, you already did – but I don't give a rat's ass
about the size of Giada's breasts or her head or the third toe on her
left foot. The woman is Italian and she can cook. I'm part Italian
and I can cook. In Italian that's an example of simpatico, a
word with a lot of meanings but one which generally conveys a sense
of liking someone just because. If that makes me an idiot or
delusional, well.....guilty as charged.
Bottom
line, don't hate Giada or anybody else because they are beautiful or
ugly, short or tall, young or old, or because they write blogs. Save
your negative emotion for people who are bigoted, trivial,
narrow-minded, petty, blinkered, or obsessed with physicality. They
are the ones who truly deserve it.
You are so right - thank you
ReplyDeleteWaste
ReplyDeleteOf
Time
I know where you're coming from, but the person who wrote that wasn't actually interested in a response.
I don't particularly agree with you or your choice of personalities (de Laurentiis) but hey, I don't exactly survive on forcing people to abandon the things they like in favor of things I like -- I think that's caled Naziism, among other things.
Like you, I tend to react in a somewhat . . err . . . emotional manner towards undeserved diatribes like these, but, probably like you, I'm learning that this is the price to be paid for being a somewhat public figure (you and I have a blog)(!) so we have to thicken our skins to a certain extent.
These people are often undone by their non-typos ("bear" instead of "bare") and that immediately gives one an idea of the socio-politcal background from which they come, which is frankly, usually quite discouraging.
The virulent manner in which they seem to want to attack usually seems to have almost religious overtones . . . I'd look into that.
Again, I don't necessarily agree with any liking of Giada De Laurentiis, but who knows? Maybe you acccidentally met her one day and feel a personal connection. Who am I to judge?
Anyway keep on keeping on. You're a talented writer and they be few and far between these days
cheers
Thanks for the kind words, ChefNick. And for the record, my meeting with Giada was not accidental. My wife and I spent some time with her at a food event a few years ago and found her to be very charming and very real. She has some down-to-earth ideas about food that we have in common, and besides, when I say something to her in Italian, she responds in Italian. :-) That's the basis for my "personal connection."
DeleteI enjoy Giada. I think she has some great recipes.
ReplyDeleteWomen, stop the hate. She's teaching. Learn from her.