The Latest Thing You Didn't Know You Couldn't Live Without
You can wear a lot of things around your neck. Necklaces, obviously. Identification cards suspended from lanyards. Wine glasses suspended from lanyards. (My wife picked one of those up at a wine festival.) Doctors and nurses wear stethoscopes around their necks. Elvis once exhorted his girl to “wear my ring around your neck.” And now, thanks to the creative genius of the folks at Stupidiotic.com, (no, I'd never hear of them either), you can wear your pizza around your neck. To tell the world you're weird, by heck. (Sorry, Elvis.)
Now, I'm not talking about some cutesy piece of pizza-shaped costume jewelry. No siree-bob. We're talkin' an actual slice of pepperoni pizza here. Or whatever your pizza preference might be. The “Portable Pizza Pouch” is a wedge-shaped plastic zip-locked bag with two sturdy grommets at the top, to which are clipped the ends of a lanyard, thus enabling you to slip a slice into the bag, seal it up, clip it on, and hang it around your neck for the ultimate in consumption convenience. The device gives whole new meaning to the terms “carry-out,” “take-away,” and “to go.” Now you can pick up a slice of your fave at your neighborhood pizzeria, grab a bit or two, and save the rest for later. Or take a quick snack to that upcoming meeting. Use it at the ballpark. Or conjure up an impromptu picnic. Your pizza is ready when you are! If you're really hungry, buy two: wear one in the front and sling the other down your back as a backup. Kinda like a scapular. (If you're not Catholic, look it up.) Also great for a date: his and hers “Portable Pizza Pouches.”
“Always fresh and ready,” declares the Stupidiotic website, adding, “BONUS: Just wearing this Pizza Pouch will instantly make you more popular and attractive. It’s a bold (and delicious) fashion statement.” I mean, one look at the guy to the right should convince you of that. They're also touting it as, “the best invention since delivery.”
Which begs a question: have you ever noticed what happens to your pizza – specifically to the toppings – if the box gets tilted a little during delivery? Ten degrees off plumb can be catastrophic to the cohesiveness of your pie. Can you imagine, then, what hanging a slice vertically around your neck is going to do to it? I'm sure the Stupidiotic engineers have considered this rather messy issue, but they don't mention it in the marketing.
If you just can't live without this latest thing you didn't know you couldn't live without, (they also market “air guitar strings”) it'll set you back eight bucks from the website at http://www.stupidiotic.com/product_info.php?cPath=9_12&products_id=252.
Napkins sold separately.