Either the Height
of Rudeness or the Depth of Sadness
I recently went off on an epic rant
regarding cell phones in theaters. You really should read it if you
haven't already. :-)
Now it's time for a discussion of my
second favorite place to ditch the device: restaurants.
Okay, before you all develop a bad case
of trichotillomania (look it up), let me qualify that statement. As a
society, we have gotten so all-fired addicted to our cellphones,
especially the “smart”ones, that they've become like a natural
extension of ourselves. I saw some sci-fi pic once where, in the
future, the damn things would actually be grafted into our hands. For
some people, it seems like that future is already a reality.
Brian X. Chen, author of “Always On,”
a book about constant connectivity, when asked about phone addiction,
says, “There are legitimate concerns for people and their everyday
interactions. It’s generally rude to keep looking at your
smartphone when you’re at dinner with your friends, for example.
When you’re in a relationship, and you’re spending more time with
your smartphone than you are with your partner, then you probably
have a problem.”
Look, I'm as guilty as the next person
of pulling out my iPhone and checking the news or the weather or the
sports scores or reading a book while I'm sitting by myself at a
table. In the “old days,” it would have been a newspaper or a
magazine or an actual book. Nothing wrong with that if you're dining
solo. What else are you supposed to do? Stare out the window? And I
am equally guilty of making or taking a call when I'm eating by
myself in a restaurant. But there are provisos involved.
Proviso number one, when talking on my
phone in a crowded public environment, I keep my conversation short
and quiet. And for cryin' out loud, I keep it private. The
guy at the next table doesn't care, nor does he need to know, about
what I'm supposed to pick up at the grocery store on my way home. I
don't have to tell the couple seated behind me about the movie I saw
last night. And I don't need to inflict my religious and/or political
beliefs on a room full of complete strangers. When it comes to such
things, my best advice is chiudi il cazzo di boccaccia!
(Look that one up, too.) And
don't get me started on the morons who actually turn on their
speakerphones in a
public place. That kind of stupid is beyond explanation.
Proviso
number two applies to non-verbal phone usage. I don't play games on
my phone, but I recognize that many people do. And I hope they
recognize that I don't want to hear the “beeps” and “boops”
and “zaps” and “zings” and the annoying music that
accompanies most of them over at my table. Mute the sound, please.
And if I'm texting or reading and the server comes by to check on me,
I put the phone down and interact with the person. The only thing
that might qualify as more rude than not at least making eye contact
with the individual serving you would be keeping that person waiting
to take your order while you finish whatever molto
importante business you are
conducting on your phone in their place of business. Ignorant, rude,
patronizing, condescending, and a whole bunch of similar adjectives.
Contrary to what your benighted reconstructed or deconstructed hippie
parents taught you, you are not the
center of the universe. Live with it.
These
provisos apply to solo situations, of course. All bets are off when
you're with other people. Regardless of whether it's a group of
friends, your family, or your significant other.......keep
your damn phone in your pocket! Or
in its case, or wherever. To see two people.....or four, or
six.....seated together at a table and completely ignoring one
another as they peck away at their invasive little devices is either
the height of rudeness or the depth of sadness. I haven't quite
figured out which. As Chen said, “it’s generally rude to keep
looking at your smartphone when you’re at dinner with your
friends.”
Let's
go back in time thirty years or so. If you were seated at a
restaurant with three of your friends and they all pulled out a book
or a magazine and sat there in silence, totally absorbed and
completely disconnected from you and everything around you, that
would have been seen as pretty weird, right? Nowadays, it's the
thing. Perfectly normal. The fact that they may actually be texting
with other people seated at the same table
is considered fully acceptable. That's just freaky. When you can
instantly connect with people across town or around the world, they
call that “social media.” But how “social” is it when you
can't connect with the person or people across the table?
Again,
I'm somewhat guilty of being quick on the draw with my iPhone in
restaurants and public places when in the company of others. But with
restrictions and reservations. If we are discussing something and a
question comes up that nobody can answer, I'll pull out my phone and
Google it. If we're looking at the sky clouding up and wondering if
we need to hustle, I'll bring up the radar on my Weather Channel app.
But I will absolutely not
start playing games or checking Facebook or texting somebody else.
That is so unspeakably discourteous and impolite to the people you
are with. It screams to them, “you're not important enough to be
deserving of my full attention.”
On another level,
restaurant owners complain about all the wannabe food critics
constantly running around snapping pictures of their food to post on
Facebook and Instagram and the like, often disturbing other patrons
who are just there to eat (imagine!) and frequently getting in the
way of employees trying to do their jobs. And yet, of course, the
restaurants themselves are enabling and facilitating this anti-social
social behavior by providing free Wi-Fi access to the very customers
they are complaining about abusing smartphones in their
establishments. Go figure.
One
restaurant, though, is bucking the trend. Okay, it's in Kuala Lumpur,
but the revolution's got to start somewhere, I suppose. And,
naturally, it's an Italian restaurant. Antonio's Trattoria Calabria
is a Wi-Fi free zone. And they inform their customers about it right
up front with this droll little note posted right in the
middle of the menu: "WE DO NOT HAVE Wi-Fi.” The notice goes on
to quote a pertinent newspaper article: “'Malaysians are beginning
to find out that their addiction to smartphones can lead to a host of
problems. On top of the list are family meals where members hardly
talk to each other as their attention is focused on the smartphones.'
- The Star (February 12, 2012)" The reason for the policy was
explained by the restaurant owner, "Something was very wrong:
the sight of a family or a group of friends sitting down to a meal,
with each person glued to his or her smartphone. Is that something we
really wanted to encourage?"
Bravo, Antonio's! Hai tutto il mio
rispetto!
Unfortunately, it's
kind of a two-edged sword. By not providing Wi-Fi, a restaurant risks
alienating someone like me who likes to sit quietly and read while
dining alone. At the same time, providing Wi-Fi fosters continued
disrespect in people who are already completely lacking in the social
graces when it comes to interacting with others. So what's the
answer? Maybe it can be found in the rest of the note posted on
Antonio's menu. “While you're at Antonio's, enjoy the simple
pleasure of a good conversation. Talk. Laugh. Eat. Enjoy.”
Yeah, I know.
That's likely to have as much effect on entitled ignoramuses as those
“Please Silence Your Cellphones and Refrain From Texting” notices
posted on movie screens. But even if it only inspires a few people to
put down the phone and pick up the conversation, it's a good start.
And if those inspired few have kids who can be similarly
influenced......well, maybe the trend can be reversed. At this stage
in our arrested social development, it might be a task that is both
Herculean and Sisyphean, but what's the harm in trying? Put down the
phone, look across the table, and talk to the person or people you're
with. Who knows? You might find that you actually like them.
Oh! A new cat video
on Facebook! Sorry, that's much more important than talking to any of
you. I'm gonna go watch this. BBFN!
Bravo!!!
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