What's A Chicken Pitcher?

So I'm about fifteen years old and working as a stock boy at a grocery store. Here I am stacking the canned peas when one of the checkout girls comes running up to me and says, “Quick! I need a price check on a henway.”

“A what?”

“A henway! A henway! I need a price check on a henway!"

“What's a henway?”

“Oh, about four pounds! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Fast forward a few decades. Knowing I have a son who lives in Italy, a friend who runs a local Italian restaurant asks me if I can get him some chicken pitchers. So I call my son and ask him to find me some chicken pitchers.

He says, “What's a chicken pitcher?”

If you're asking the same question, maybe the traditional story of the origin of the chicken pitcher will provide the answer. Or not.

Back in the autumn of 1478, the Medici family held the reins of power in the Republic of Florence. Their bitter rivals, the Pazzi family, wanted to change that by eliminating Giuliano de' Medici, the head of the Medici clan.

Even though this was the Renaissance, the feudal system was still around and the Medicis got a lot of their wealth from the labors of their tenant peasants. But it seems Giuliano was a benevolent despot – and a real party animal, who occasionally put on big festivals in the surrounding villages to celebrate good harvests and such. So the Pazzis got somebody to convince Giuliano to throw one of these big parties. The plan was that when the party was over and Giuliano was sleeping it off, the Pazzi's hired assassins would sneak in and kill him.

So there was a big festa. Everybody came, everybody partied, and everybody went to bed to sleep it off. And the assassins came sneaking into the village to do their deed.

I don't know where the Pazzis shopped for assassins, but they got a lousy deal. The clowns they hired made so much noise stomping across the village commons that they woke up the chickens. The chickens, in turn, set up a cackling, squawking frenzy that woke everybody up and spoiled the assassination attempt. The assassins were captured and killed.

So appreciative of the chickens was Giuliano that he had his artisans and craftsmen create ceramic renderings of chickens to use as wine pitchers at another party he threw to celebrate that failed attempt on his life. Then he gave the pitchers to the party-goers to serve as symbols of good fortune and as guardians against evil deeds.

And thus they have served Italian families from that day to this. It is now traditional to give chicken pitchers to family and friends as a way of saying, “Buona fortuna!”

Now, I will be the first to admit that this is very likely an apocryphal tale designed to sell chicken pitchers. You see, in reality the Pazzi Conspiracy, as it was called, was somewhat successful. Pazzi assassins actually killed Giuliano one Sunday morning at High Mass in the Duomo. He was stabbed nineteen times. The attempt was only partially successful because Guiliano's brother, Lorenzo, survived. Although no chickens were aroused in the process, the whole thing played out in front of about ten-thousand people, most of whom kind of liked the Medicis. As a result, the Pazzis found themselves in deep chicken sh.......stuff. One of them was heaved out a window. His naked body was then dragged through the streets and tossed into the Arno River. The rest were pretty much driven out of Italy. And all this occurred in April of 1478, so by autumn of that year the supposedly heroic chickens would have had little to cluck about.

But it's a nice story. One in keeping with the imagination of a people who will also tell you that tortellini was created by a peeping-Tom innkeeper as a tribute to the navel of Venus as seen through a keyhole. (Go look it up.)

Legends aside, the colors and designs on modern chicken pitchers vary greatly according to the whim of the artist. Most of them look pretty much like chickens or roosters, with beaks and combs and wattles. Some have beautifully decorative wings and feathers painted on, while others sport designs based on a theme – like Christmas, for example. They can be short or tall, slender or fat. Some people try to pass off regular old pitchers with painted-on images of poultry as chicken pitchers, but they're not the same. A true chicken pitcher is traditionally shaped like a chicken.

The town of Nove, in the northeastern Italian province of Vicenza in the Veneto region, is famous for its pottery and is often considered the “birthplace” of the chicken pitcher. Some of the finest examples there come from the studios of Marco Pizzato. The Umbrian town of Deruta also produces beautiful ceramic work, including some wonderful chicken pitchers. And, of course, chicken pitchers can be found among collections of world-famous Vietri pottery from Vietri sul Mare, the “City of Ceramics” along Campania's Amalfi Coast.

And you don't have to go to Italy to find chicken pitchers. Priced as low as ten dollars, they live in gift and collectable shops all over the United States as well as on the Web through Ebay and dozens of local distributors. Although some sell for well over a hundred dollars, the median price is around forty bucks. I found one in a little antique store downtown that had “Aviano” painted across the front. They wanted thirty-five dollars for it. Sold!

Now, I was in a little pottery shop the other day. They had a nice display of Vietri pottery, but no chicken pitchers in the Vietri collection. Mostly plates and other dinnerware. But they did have some chicken pitchers in another display......a display of Mexican pottery! Wait a minute! Don't tell me there were messicano chickens involved in Giuliano de'Medici's rescue! No sale! Even if I buy them in America, my chicken pitchers have to have Italian pedigrees.

So if you want to put a little Italian touch on your home décor, or if you're looking for a unique wedding or housewarming gift for friends or family, try a chicken pitcher. Just beware if they start clucking and squawking in the middle of the night.

Schools Take "Pink Slime" to the Woodshed (Updated)

Well, well. It turns out America's public schools can be educated places after all. In a move that speaks well for the future, American schools overwhelmingly rejected LFTB – or “pink slime” as most prefer to call it – as an ingredient in their school lunch programs. Given a choice – something that was never offered before – school systems in all but three states said they weren't going to feed dog food to their children anymore. The USDA estimates that about 20 million pounds of filler-free beef has been sold to schools while only about a million pounds of the “slimed” product will make its way into school cafeterias. Those cafeterias, by the way, are located in Iowa, Nebraska, and South Dakota. South Dakota, of course, is the home of “slime” producer Beef Products, Inc. (BPI).

Oh, pity poor BPI! We media meanies have distorted the truth and caused them so much damage that they've had to close down plants and lay off 650 people. All those people out of work! All those innocent families devastated by the likes of me and ABC News and Jamie Oliver and Bettina Siegel, the blogger who launched an anti-slime petition that garnered a quarter-million signatures. I'm trying to feel the guilt. I really am. But I'm just not feeling it. Maybe because I think it's just another attempt by BPI and others to emotionalize the issue. Another ring in the circus they've created to try to justify the existence of their product.

The center ring was the one in which they gathered all the clowns.......I mean, governors.......from the beef-producing states and took them on a sanitized tour of their facilities, a tour which culminated in the spectacle of all the guests chowing down on slimeburgers. Of course, when members of the media asked pointed questions or attempted to gain access to company execs not on the approved performance roster, they were given the bum's rush.

And the company's “beefisbeef” website is another masterful piece of obfuscation that doesn't really answer any questions and somehow manages to make you feel guilty for even asking them. “Beef is beef,” say the slime producers. “Sugar is sugar,” say the high fructose corn syrup pushers. Do you see a theme here?

The fact is I really don't care whether or not their product is “safe.” It probably is. People eat cow tongues all the time. Why not grind up the other end of the alimentary canal and make burgers out of it? Years ago, Jay Leno featured a grocery store ad in his “Headlines” segment. Through an unfortunate elimination of the letter “g”, the ad touted the sale of “Black Anus Beef.” Who knows? Maybe it was actually an early advertisement for LFTB.

No, my problem with “pink slime” is that it has been added to our food supply without our knowledge or permission. I don't care how “healthy” it is. I don't care how “natural” it is. I don't care if it's “approved” by the USDA. It wasn't approved by me, dammit, and that's where I take issue. If you're going to grind up the eastern extreme of a westbound steer and slip it into my burger so you can save a few pennies, fine. Wonderful! Just tell me about it so I can decide if I want it on the menu. Is that so difficult? My dogs have been eating LFTB for decades and none of them have dropped dead from it, so it's probably safe. But what gives you the right to serve me an Alpo-burger without telling me about it?

I don't like additives in my food. I don't like high fructose corn syrup, I avoid mono-sodium glutamate, I eschew any of those chemical concoctions that most people can't even pronounce. And I don't want “pink slime.” Period.

After I wrote this, a couple of people took me to task for a lack of objectivity and a lack of research and a lack of understanding, etc. Okay. Read my profile again. "I'm entitled to my opinion -- and so are you." And then read the first sentence of the previous paragraph. "I don't like additives in my food." I'm not particularly trying to be objective. I don't like additives and LFTB is an additive. If they prepackaged LFTB and sold it at the meat counter, then I could decide whether or not I wanted to buy it and mix it in with my ground beef. But they don't. Somebody else makes that decision for me and they do it without informing me. At the risk of being both unobjective and redundant, I don't care if it's safe. I don't want things in my food that I don't put there. In the case of things I can't avoid, I do my best best to limit my exposure. When I can avoid additives, preservatives, and fillers, I do.

You want research? Here you go. Canada does not allow LFTB because it does not allow the use of ammonia in food. Under Chapter 4.3.3 of the Canadian Food Inspection Agency "Manual of Procedures," they do allow FTM (Finely Textured Meat) in the preparation of ground meat or identified as ground meat when:

• it has a minimum protein content of 14%; and
• bones emerging from separation equipment must be essentially intact and recognizable to assure that the bones are not being crushed, ground or pulverized; and
• it complies with the standards set out within Schedule I of the Meat Inspection Regulations, 1990. The term "regular", "medium", "lean" or "extra lean" must be used as appropriate in order to indicate the maximum fat content (i.e. 30%, 23%, 17% or 10% respectively).

LFTB doesn't meet requirements for sale in the UK and the European Union has banned it outright.

Oh, and while we're being objective, here's an objective comment from an editorial in the Sioux City Journal, an objective source if ever I've seen one: "Aided and abetted by a cowardly backtrack by the United States Department of Agriculture in giving schools the option of avoiding LFTB in their cafeterias, this vicious attack has been loudly promulgated by a disenchanted former government worker, a mommy blogger, a handful of duped national media figures and thousands of wannabe activists."

So the USDA is being "cowardly" for offering American citizens a choice?

Just call me a "wannabe activist."

Just Say No To “Corn Sugar” – The FDA Did

There may yet be hope for a government regulatory agency: the FDA has told the pushers of high fructose corn syrup to take a leap in response to their embarrassingly transparent attempt to gussy up the image of their highly suspect product by giving it an inoffensive new name. Put another way, rather than becoming a silk purse, the sow's ear that is HFCS will remain a sow's ear.

See, people have started putting together the pieces and have begun to realize that our country's obesity problem began at about the same time virtually every food and beverage manufacturer in the United States made the switch from expensive cane or beet sugar to cheap HFCS. Reading the labels of food products from applesauce to Zingers reveals the ubiquitous presence of the artificially produced sweetener.

Yes, I said “artificially produced.” The Corn Refiner's Association has repeatedly chanted the “natural” mantra to convince gullible rubes that their product is no different than sugar. “It comes from wholesome corn. What could be more natural?” Sorry, Charlie. You don't just put ears of corn in a big press and squeeze out the syrup. You've got to process it. The corn actually does go through a machine that crushes it, but then there are numerous additions of enzymes and filtration procedures and separations and mixtures.....there just ain't a lot “natural” about it. At least not when compared to the production of cane sugar, wherein the cane is crushed, the juices are collected, boiled, and dried and the resultant solids are broken down into sugar crystals.

And that's the way the FDA saw it. Aware that their product was coming under increased scrutiny from regulators, researchers, and the general public, the hucksters at the Association did what con artists have done since the beginning of time; they flummoxed and flim-flammed. They obfuscated and obscured. They prevaricated and they paltered. In a blatant attempt to wipe away the treacly tarnish that was rapidly collecting, they decided to label their chemically created garbage as “corn sugar.” Isn't that sweet? And natural, of course. “Sugar is sugar,” says their ad campaign. A campaign that, by the way, was launched against the advice of the FDA in the first place. The Association didn't bother to wait for something as restrictive as approval for their shiny new name. Going with the old adage about obtaining forgiveness being easier than getting permission, they just charged ahead and set up websites and marketing gimmicks using a name that they had been cautioned about using because of that little “approval” technicality.

And now the FDA has pulled the rug out from under them by issuing a resounding “NO!” The agency firmly stated that it defines “sugar” as a solid, dried, and crystallized food product. A syrup does not qualify as a “sugar.” So there you go, Corn Refiners; sugar may indeed be sugar, but your product is not sugar! Naturally – there's that word again – the Association issued a whiny dissent declaring that their petition was rejected on “narrow, technical grounds.” Yeah! Like the TRUTH!

In case you hadn't figured it out, I don't like HFCS, no matter what you call it. I don't like it for two reasons. I don't like it because I don't trust it. There are too many conflicting studies out there about its effects on the human body. Nobody can unequivocally prove that it's bad for you and nobody – other than the people who market it – can unequivocally state that it's good. In such instances I always tend to err on the side of caution.

My primary objection to high fructose corn syrup comes from my palate; I can taste the cheap crap in every blessed thing they dump it in. I can unequivocally tell you that the taste of nearly every American food product has degraded since the late 1960s and early '70s. Soft drinks, juices, canned and bottled sauces, frozen and prepackaged food products, snack foods, candy – you name it. None of it, none of it, tastes as good as it did before before manufacturers started pinching pennies and loading up their products with cheap, artificially produced garbage like high fructose corn syrup. This country's criminally parsimonious producers of food products have so thoroughly and completely dumbed down the palates of an entire generation of consumers that said consumers have no idea what food is supposed to taste like. Additives, preservatives, and cheap dreck like HFCS have destroyed the palates of just about everybody under the age of forty.

I may be a voice crying in the wilderness, but I would gladly pay more for good, natural food that tastes like it did back before the corn cabal got hold of it. I actively search for products that are sugar-sweetened and do not contain HFCS. And, thankfully, there are many more to choose from these days than there were just a few years ago.

Although I personally lean toward the research that condemns HFCS as a health hazard, I'm not saying sugar is any better for you. As a society, we consume incredible amounts of both substances to the overall detriment of our health. But at least foods sweetened with real sugar taste better while they're killing us.

So kudos to the FDA for standing its ground against a well-funded lobby. And bravo to the activist consumers that are driving nails into the coffins of “pink slime,” high fructose corn syrup, and the like. Maybe the combined efforts will lead to future generations that once again enjoy an abundance of good, wholesome food that tastes good.

June (2012) Fun Food Holidays

June is bustin' out all over......and you will be, too, if you celebrate all the month has to offer.

I have no earthly idea why the first month of summer is also dedicated to a food usually associated with fall and winter holidays, but there it is; June is National Turkey Lover's Month, so gobble some up.

June is also the month in which we celebrate steakhouses, seafood, fresh fruits and vegetables, papaya, iced tea, and candy. And, of course, it is also National Dairy Month.

We start the month with a tribute to hazelnut cake on June 1 and then quickly follow that with a helping of rocky road ice cream on its nationally dedicated day of June 2.

Whether hazelnut or any other variety, you have break some eggs to make a cake, so get cracking on June 3, National Egg Day.

June 4 is a big food day, combining cheese, frozen yogurt, and cognac all on the same day, but probably not on the same plate.

Get a jump on the Christmas season and begin building your gingerbread house on June 5, National Gingerbread Day.

What is it with cake and ice cream this month? June 6 is National Applesauce Cake Day and June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day.

Grab a jelly-filled doughnut in honor of its special day on June 8 and follow it up with a celebratory slice of strawberry-rhubarb pie on June 9.

I planted same basil the other day. It's doing well, but I don't think it will be ready to harvest in time for Herbs and Spice Day on June 10. But that won't keep me from enjoying some iced tea or a black cow, companion beverages that share the day. And in case you didn't know, a “black cow” is made not with Angus beef, but with root beer and ice cream.

More cake! National German Chocolate Cake Day is June 11 and the 12^th is a good day to grab some peanut butter cookies.

Okay, I'm serious about this one. June 13 is Kitchen Klutzes of America Day and you can even send your favorite kitchen klutz an online greeting card at either http://www.bluemountain.com/ecards/june/on-this-date/pn/6-13-kitchen-klutzes-of-america-day/card-3004600 or http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/celebrate-the-date/6-13-kitchen-klutzes-of-america-day-ecard/pn/3004600. Really.

Haul out your American flag for Flag Day on June 14 and celebrate with a slice or two of strawberry shortcake because it's also National Strawberry Shortcake Day.

Enjoy some lobster on June 15, some fudge on June 16, and on June 17 you get the chance to make your mama happy. It's Eat All Your Veggies Day. And as a reward for eating your veggies, chow down on apple strudel, also recognized on that day.

International Picnic Day is June 18. Making sure your picnic basket contains a cherry tart will enable you to cover two bases at once.

How about a nice dry martini? One would certainly be in order on its designated day, June 19.

A couple of delicious summer treats mark the beginning of summer; the vanilla milkshake is feted as summer begins on June 20 and peaches and cream are the order of the day for June 21.

Onion rings and chocolate eclairs share the day on June 22. Probably not in the same sitting, though.

Enjoy some pecan sandies on June 23 and some pralines on the 24^th.

Strawberry parfait rules the day on June 25, then the next few days belong to pudding; chocolate pudding on the 26^th, Indian pudding on the 27^th, and tapioca on the 28^th. Well, the 28^th is not technically a celebration of tapioca pudding, just tapioca.

Some almond buttercrunch is called for on June 29 and cap off June on the last day of the month by grabbing an ice cream soda in celebration of National Ice Cream Soda Day.

Happy summertime eating!

Victorinox Forschner Fibrox: Your Best Bet For A Good Kitchen Knife

"A Sharp Knife Is a Safe Knife"

Just about anybody you ask will tell you the most important piece of equipment in your kitchen is a good kitchen knife. And they'll likely tell you that you don't need a fifty-piece set. Three knives will

generally do; a chef's knife, a utility knife, and a paring knife. Most will also throw in a serrated knife for cutting breads and cakes and such. From there on you're pretty much on your own as to selecting the best knives for your needs.

At this point, I could go into great detail about metallurgy and composition and carbon content in the steel and angles and degrees of honing a knife's edge and lots of other arcania that most people don't care about, don't need to know, and quickly forget anyway. I'm generally pretty good at overwriting like that. But not this time. Basically, you want a sharp knife that's going to stay sharp and last a long time.

Don't walk, run from the sets you find displayed on discount retailer's shelves. Anything that comes in sets of ten or twelve or eighteen or more pieces complete with a nifty knife block for less than twenty dollars is a cheap disaster waiting to happen. The blades will warp and break, the handles will degrade and/or come off and the edges will dull quickly and stay that way. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing more dangerous in a kitchen than a dull knife.

I always carry my knives with me when I'm invited to places where I know there's a better than even chance I'll be cooking something. I got caught unprepared at a friend's house once and, after observing my cursing attempt to cut a potato with a knife I nearly had to stand on, my friend went straight to Walmart and came home proudly displaying a brand new set of knives. It was a twenty-three piece Mainstays (Walmart's store brand) set in a “natural” block. He had shelled out twenty bucks for it. I asked him for another twenty dollar bill, which I took and promptly set on fire. Not really, but I might as well have done so, and so might he. Half the “23-piece” set was knives. The remainder were spatulas and measuring cups and such. So, allowing that the “natural” block and the cheap plastic accessories might have been worth four dollars, he paid about sixteen bucks for twelve knives. That's a buck-thirty-three per knife. I ask you, what kind of quality do you really think you're getting?

And don't be fooled by the “celebrity chef” products you see in a lot of stores. Paula Deen's got her name and face on everything. So do Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay and Mario Batali and Marcus Samuelsson and Emeril and Wolfgang and a host of others. Most of these knives are manufactured by companies like Farberware, the same folks who make the twenty-dollar sets you see at Walmart, except they stamp a celebrity's name on them and retail them for four or five times as much.

At the other end of the spectrum are the prestigious “name” brands. Wusthof, Henckels, Global. These are fine knives, the highest quality German and Japanese steel and the best craftsmanship on the market. And you'll lay out as much for one knife as you will for a hundred or more of the store-brand knives from Walmart. Is it worth it? Probably. If properly taken care of, it will likely be the last knife you'll ever buy. They're that good. But I can't afford a set of them. I can't even afford the three or four recommended ones. Most people can't without a bank loan. A set of the three basic knives from Wusthof is going to set you back......oh, somewhere around three hundred dollars. Or about fifteen of the “23-piece” sets from Wally World.

No, what you need is a work horse. Take a peek in the kitchen of your favorite local restaurant. You definitely won't see any “Mainstays” or “Farberware” or “Paula Deen” knives on that magnetic strip over the prep area. And you probably won't see many Wusthofs or Globals there, either. But you might see my favorite knife; the Victorinox Forschner Fibrox.

Crafted in Switzerland by the people who have been making Swiss Army knives for more than a century, this knife is a food service industry standard and staple. Razor sharp, lightweight, perfectly balanced with a comfortable non-slip Fibrox grip, this is a piece of professional grade kitchen equipment anybody can afford for home use. The 8-inch chef's knife – my favorite – generally retails in stores for about thirty dollars, and you can get some great deals online at Amazon and other sources. My wife finds the 8-inch knife to be a little big for her hand, so I bought her the 6-inch model and now she won't use anything else. If you're a reader of Cook's Illustrated or Cook's Country magazines or a fan of their America's Test Kitchen TV programs, the Victorinox is the knife they use and recommend as their “Best Value.” If it can stand up to the hard use of the test kitchens and of your neighborhood restaurant kitchens, it'll do a great job in yours.

Besides the 6 and 8-inch models, there are 10 and 12-inch chef's knives. And the aforementioned utility, paring, and serrated bread knives are also available, all at very affordable prices.

A final word of advice: don't buy any knife until you've held it in your hand. The best knife for your kitchen is the one that's best for you. I fell in love with my Victorinox after I went to several kitchen stores and held all the Globals and Henckels and Wusthofs and all the others they had to offer. Some of the ones I expected to like I found to be unsuited to my needs. The handle was uncomfortable, the balance was off, the weight was too heavy or too light. But that surprising little Victorinox turned out to be the Goldilocks of kitchen knives; everything about it was just right.

As I said, Victorinox Forschner Fibrox knives are widely available at restaurant supply stores as well as at retailers like Bed, Bath and Beyond and local culinary shops. If you don't have any of those nearby, just enter the name in your search engine and take your pick from among the dozens of results. But I really do recommend laying hands on one first. It's a great knife for the test kitchen chefs and for your neighborhood restaurant cooks and for my wife and me, but your mileage may vary.

Regardless of whether you choose my favorite knife or go all out on some of the high-end knives, please don't succumb to the temptation of cheap, bargain-basement, “value” knives. They can hurt you.....literally. And after replacing them every couple of years, you'll wind up spending as much as you would on a decent knife in the first place. The second favorite knives in my kitchen are more than fifty years old. They are from a set of Ecko Eterna knives my mother got before I was born. They've been well cared for. They've never rattled around loose in a drawer and they've never seen the inside of a dishwasher. Their double-riveted hardwood handles are still in good shape and they retain an edge that will go up cut-for-cut against any of the newer, more pricey slicers and dicers on the market. Old-fashioned quality counts, cheap is cheap, and you get what you pay for.

An old Portuguese proverb says, “A bad knife cuts one's finger instead of the stick.” Substitute “steak” for “stick” and bear that in mind when shopping for kitchen knives.

Forget "Abbondanza." Eat Like A Real Italian

The other night, I heard a chef on Food Network's “Chopped” make a reference to the Italian concept of abbondanza. Steaming piles of pasta swimming in lakes of rich sauces. Mounds of meatballs. Acres of pizza boasting tons of toppings. This is true Italian dining. This is real Italian culture. This is abbondanza!

This is also total fantasy. Oh, the word abbondanza is Italian, all right, and it means “abundance.” But in reality it's just a word, not a philosophy. Italians simply don't eat like that.

The image of a rotund Italian mama smiling beneficently as she serves up a washtub of spaghetti and meatballs to her hungry family is pure Madison Avenue, based not on true Italian culinary traditions, but on those established on New World shores by Italian immigrants.

If you don't know that spaghetti and meatballs is not an Italian dish, you should. It's an Italian-American dish. Don't believe me? Hop a plane to Italy and try to order some in an Italian eatery – a real one, not one geared to serve American tourists. They'll serve you spaghetti and they'll serve you meatballs, but they won't serve them together.

And in the same way that spaghetti and meatballs, chicken Parmesan, and fettuccine Alfredo are all creations of Italian-American origin, so, too, is the concept of abbondanza.

Historically, much Italian cuisine is cucina povera – “cooking of the poor.” This is especially true of southern Italian regions, the regions from which the vast majority of Italian immigrants departed, bound for the shores of America.

Once they arrived, two things happened to transform cucina povera into abbondanza. First, these newly-minted Americans had to adapt their traditional Old World recipes to their New World circumstances. They simply couldn't find many of the ingredients they were accustomed to using. So, using what was at hand, they created new Italian dishes in the new Italian-American style.

Then they began to prosper. Meat – a luxury in some households “back home” – was now abundant. Many poor immigrants brought precious supplies of pasta with them when they sailed from Italy. But it wasn't long before large and efficient American factories were ramping up to serve this burgeoning market. Artisan cheeses, so prized as to sometimes be used as currency in the old country, were readily available in American markets, as were a bewildering variety of fruits and vegetables.

And so to prove to their American friends and neighbors – and to themselves – that they were no longer poor, Italian-Americans began to really pile it on at the table, displaying their new-found prosperity with wonderful new recipes that used all the wonderful new ingredients available in such great abundance. Abbondanza!

So, here comes Joe American. He walks into a restaurant on New York's Arthur Avenue, or Boston's North End, or Philadelphia's south side and is served from heaping platters and bowls overflowing with delicious, rich food, and he thinks, “Wow, so this is how these Italians eat!” Pretty soon, it becomes a standard. And then it becomes a stereotype. And then generations of fat Joe Americans start waddling around and blaming “all that pasta and that rich Italian food” for their growing obesity epidemic.

Joe American's idea of what Giuseppe Italiano eats is horribly misguided. And that misguided idea is responsible for the notion that all Italian food is fattening and bad for you. Don't look at the Madison Avenue Italian mamas. Don't focus on the images portrayed in movies and on TV shows. Abbondanza? Fuhgeddaboudit!

As of this writing, 35.7% of Americans are obese. You may want to sit down for this; the obesity rate in Italy is 8.5%. How is this possible!? All that pasta! All that cheese! All that abbondanza! And that's the problem.

Americans overdo too much of a good thing. When I go to a typical American Italian restaurant, I invariably order pasta from the child's menu. And it's usually still too much. There is not a non-tourist ristorante on the Italian peninsula that would dream of serving as much pasta to one person as their Italian-American counterparts. Most American restaurants, especially the chain places, serve you two or three times as much as what a real Italian establishment would serve or what you would find on a real Italian table at home.

Yes, Italians eat pasta seven days a week. In fact, they are the world's largest consumers of the stuff. But they eat a realistic, healthy portion; about a one-cup serving equal to about 200 calories. Americans typically eat pasta twice a week, but they consume as much in those two days as the average Italian eats in six! Olive Garden's “Tour of Italy” on its “Classic Pastas” menu packs a whopping 1450 calories. Even their simple Capellini Pomodoro contains 840 calories. Spaghetti and Meatballs at Romano's Macaroni Grill spins up 1430 calories. Carrabba's fares a little better; their Spaghetti Pomodoro weighs in at just 540 calories. Eating pasta doesn't make you fat; eating too much pasta makes you fat.

True Italian pasta dishes are not always enrobed in heavy sauces. An Italian favorite is aglio olio, in which a portion of pasta is lightly coated in olive oil and garlic with maybe a few red pepper flakes thrown in for a little spice. Such a dish is practically unheard of in America. “Where's the meat?” says Joe American. “Where's the cheese? Where's the red sauce? Who wants to eat spaghetti with nothing but olive oil on it?” Italians do.

Italians appreciate their food. They respect their food. Food is more than just something you shove in your mouth to satisfy a need. There is a structured order to eating in Italian culture. They eat small meals slowly, never wolfing down great quantities of food in some imagined competitive eating contest. “All you can eat” and “endless pasta bars” and “bottomless soup bowls”.....these are all American concepts. And although many Italian trattorie offer generous quantities of food served in an open, family style, most Italians don't feel compelled to make pigs of themselves. They eat until they are full and then they stop eating. You'll never see an Italian lining up for seconds or thirds at an “endless buffet.”

Far removed from abbondanza, Italians are among the original proponents of the so-called “Mediterranean diet.” Lots of vegetables, lots of fruit, olive oil on practically everything. Fish and seafood are staple proteins, as are chicken and moderate quanties of lean pork. Beef has grown in popularity and acceptance since WWII, but it's still not the “gotta-have-it-every-day” neccesity that it is in America. Starches and carbohydrates are consumed regularly, but in moderate quantities.

Italians eat a light meal in the morning – usually nothing more than a small pastry and coffee. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day. Supper is generally late and light. Children might indulge in an afternoon snack and adults might occasionally grab a mid-day gelato, but between-meal snacking on candy bars and potato chips and such is not done. Nor are Italians very dessert driven. Most of the time, a meal is finished with a little fruit or cheese. Sweet desserts are reserved for special occasions. And nobody sits in front of the TV with a bowl of something sweet or salty.

Which brings up another point; nobody sits. Italians walk or bicycle everywhere. Oh, they have cars. Traffic on the Piazza Venezia and around the Colosseum is a testament to that fact. But they don't use them to such an extent that they forget what their feet are for. The idea that you would get in your car and drive to the corner market for a gallon of milk is laughable in Italy. Kind of like it was here once upon a time not so long ago.

Abbondanza is the Italian-American myth that makes Americans look like Macy's balloons while native Italians resemble the ropes that hold them down. The Italian/Meditteranean diet is not a “diet” at all. It's a simple and practical way of eating that, when combined with regular activity, results in a healthy weight conducive to a prolonged and healthy life.

I saw a news story the other day in which it was revealed that ferries and tour boats are having to lower their capacity in order to accomodate today's heavier passengers. They've upped their weight averages from 140 pounds per person to 180. Have you gone to an old theater or ballpark lately? One that hasn't been renovated in the last twenty or thirty years? Seats are a little snug, aren't they? And the most recent prediction says that America will be 42% obese by 2030. Maybe those Italians are on to something.

Abbondanza? Fuhgeddaboudit!

May (2012) Fun Food Holidays

“It's May, it's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when everyone throws
self-control away!”

Or at least that's what Lerner and Lowe tell us.

I mean, how much self-control can you have during National Asparagus Month? Or while celebrating eggs, barbecue, hamburgers, salsa, gazpacho, salad, strawberries, and chocolate custard?

And did I mention, it's also National Mediterranean Diet Month?

And those are just the month-long observances. There are also weeks dedicated to raisins and to herbs (week one), hamburgers (week two), pickles (week three), and to both frozen yogurt and beer (week four).

Wow! Lusty month, indeed!

Kick it all off with National Chocolate Parfait Day on May 1^st. Follow that with a nod to truffles – the candy variety – on the second, and raspberry tarts on the third.

May 4^th is a little weird. It's a day to commemorate homebrew, orange juice, and candied orange peel. If you want to serve them all up in the same glass for a more fulsome frolic, well.......

May 5 is “Cinco de Mayo,” so enjoy a hoagie. Hey, I don't come up with 'em, I just report 'em.

The all-American favorite, crepes suzette, has a day on May 6 and National Roast Leg of Lamb Day finishes the first week of this fabulous foodie month on May 7.

May 8^th has a lot going for it; empanadas, coconut-cream pie, and, believe it or not, a coke. Yep, it's Have a Coke Day. Maybe a diet Coke after all those empanadas and coconut-cream pies.

Butterscotch brownies hold forth on May 9, followed by National Shrimp Day on the 10^th.

Here's an easy one to celebrate; May 11 is officially designated as Eat What You Want Day. Woo-hoo!

And if what you want is nutty fudge, well you can celebrate for two days. National Nutty Fudge Day happens on May 12.

The much-praised apple pie and the much-maligned fruit cocktail share the day on May 13.

The 14^th belongs solely to buttermilk biscuits. As it should be; nothing should have to share or compare with buttermilk biscuits.

Knock back a bag of chocolate chips on May 15, National Chocolate Chip Day.

Are you ready for some Coquilles Saint Jacques? The classic French dish has a day on May 16. (It's baked scallops in a rich cream sauce, by the way.)

No explanation needed for cherry cobbler. Enjoy some on May 17.

Could you fall for a cheese souffle? National Cheese Souffle Day is May 18.

Warm up the fire and brimstone – and some chocolate while you're at it. National Devil's Food Cake Day ignites on May 19.

What's with the French food this month? Quiche Lorraine is saluted on May 20, but you are also admonished to pick strawberries on that day – preferably from the field rather than from the produce department.

Put 'em to good use the next day, May 21, National Strawberries and Cream Day.

Maybe save a few for the following day, May 22, National Vanilla Pudding Day. It could work.

Stretch into National Taffy Day on the 23^rd.

The French are back on the 24^th, National Escargot Day.

If you have leftovers, National Brown-Bag-It Day happens on May 25, coincidentally also officially designated as National Wine Day. Brown bag......wine......hmmmm.

Choose your dessert on May 26, both National Blueberry Cheesecake Day and National Cherry Dessert Day.

A childhood favorite, the grape popsicle, is feted on May 27.

"Where's the beef?" Find out on May 28. Brisket and hamburgers are both on the celebratory menu.

The French make yet another appearance on the calendar with National Coq au Vin Day on the 29^th.

Sip on a mint julep on the month's penultimate day and round out May with some macaroons on May 31.

“It's mad! It's gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev'ryone takes,
Ev'ryone breaks.
Ev'ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!”