It's Good But It Could Be So Much
Better
If you're a regular reader of the
scribbles that occupy this space you're already aware of my opinion
of the ubiquitous “Italian” eatery that is Olive Garden. For lack
of a better term, let's call it a “love-hate relationship.”
My advice to anybody seeking an Italian
dining experience has always been, “Well, if there isn't an Italian
restaurant around, there's always Olive Garden.” Truth be told, the
fast-casual subsidiary of Florida-based Darden Restaurants, Inc.
knows they're not anywhere
near authentically Italian. They actually style themselves as an
“American Italian
restaurant” or an “Italian-themed”
restaurant. And if all the charming European architecture and the
rich Tuscan colors and the wine and the dishes with Italian sounding
names tend to make people think it's
an Italian restaurant, well......the corporate parent is not going to
work too hard to correct the misconception.
In
fact, they used to rather encourage it by touting the training their
staff received at the so-called “Culinary Institute of Tuscany,”
which is actually a small Tuscan resort hotel and restaurant in
Riserva di Fizzano that rents itself out to OG in the off-season to
make a few euros and to provide a nice vacation for the company's
managers, many of whom report that their “training” consists of
sitting around for a couple of hours discussing spices or fresh
produce. Then they pose for pictures with an Italian chef. The pics
go to the hometown newspapers and the employees go sightseeing on the
corporate dime. Ah, but they do tour
a winery, visit a fresh food market, and eat in some local
restaurants. By those standards, I should qualify as an Olive Garden
master chef. Once word about the “Institute” started getting
around, however, Darden kind of backed off advertising it.
Unsurprisingly, a poll conducted a
couple of years ago found that thirty-nine
percent of Americans thought that Olive Garden was as Italian as
Italian gets. Uffa! I
weep for those thirty-nine percent. And therein lies the real
problem; the American perception of Italian cuisine. Let’s face it,
most people think of Italian food in terms of pizza and spaghetti.
Therefore, anyplace that serves either pizza or spaghetti is an
“Italian restaurant.” More so if they serve both! And the
greatest Italian chef to come to the average American mind is Chef
Boyardee. Olive Garden is kind of an example of “cogito
ergo sum;” Americans think
it's Italian, therefore it is.
Did I
tell you about the time I ate in an Olive Garden in Alabama and
commented to the waiter about the spaghetti? It was overcooked and
bland. The sauce was okay for something that came out of a bag. The
waiter came by and asked, “How is everything?” So I told him. I
asked him point-blank if the pasta came pre-packaged, refrigerated,
and was just thrown into hot water and he said, “Yes, I think so.”
Then he asked why I asked. I explained that the pasta was a little
past al dente and that
it had no flavor, as if there had been absolutely no salt added to
the water. He commented, “People like you can always tell.”
People like me. In other words, people who don't consider the
aforementioned Chef Boyardee to be the ultimate in Italian cuisine.
And
the reason the pasta lacked salt came to light a couple of years ago
when an activist investor revealed that Darden/Olive Garden had
stopped adding salt to its pasta cooking water in order to
make the pots last longer! Dio mio in cielo! Cooking
pasta with NO SALT? No frickin' wonder it's so utterly flavorless.
Hey, you know tomatoes are awfully acidic. Maybe they should consider
leaving them out of the tomato sauce to extend the life of those
pots, too. What an utterly moronic affront to Italian cooking.
The investor published a 294 page
report outlining everything he thought was wrong with Olive Garden.
He mentioned the salt issue, for sure, but one of his other
complaints was that, for an “Italian” restaurant, Olive Garden
didn't serve enough Italian food. Fried lasagna? Really? Betcha they
didn't learn that one at the “Culinary Institute.” How about the
“loaded nacho chips” they tried to unload on us? Or the “Italiano
Burger” with fries, created by a corporate chef concerned that
Olive Garden was losing “burger craving” customers to places like
Applebee's and Chili's. Of course, that particular chef got his start
slinging pizza in Atlanta, so there you are.
Remember “pastachetti” and
“soffatelli?” If you don't, that's okay; they're better
forgotten. They were a couple of great examples of “if you can't
make it, fake it.” There was nothing remotely Italian about these
dishes. Somebody at corporate HQ in Florida just created some words
that ended in vowels and added them to the menu for gullible American
rubes to scarf down. They were, as Mashed writer
Chris Heasman described them, “about as Italian as a man in
lederhosen eating haggis on the banks of the Seine.” Gee, I wish
I'd written that. The best I've come up with is that the food at
Olive Garden is redolent of Rome and Florence. Rome, Georgia and
Florence, Alabama, that is.
And
the totally wacky thing is that after making up Italian names, when
they come up with something that really is authentically
Italian, they disguise it with an American
name so Americans will know what it is! Case in point: arancini.
Olive Garden calls them “risotto bites.” Oh well, at least give
them credit for not calling them fried rice balls.
And
does Olive Garden have something going on with Tyson or Perdue? They
must because they seem to want to add chicken to everything. Chicken
Parmigiana, Chicken Carbonara, Chicken Scampi, Stuffed Chicken
Marsala, Zoodles Primavera with Grilled Chicken. (I can't believe I
just typed the word “zoodles.”) You have no idea how annoyed I
get when I order Fettuccine Alfredo and the server asks, “Do you
want chicken with that?” (Sigh) There's nothing remotely Italian
about Fettuccine Alfredo to begin with. But the American penchant for
adding chicken – or any meat, for that matter – to pasta dishes
completely defies Italian culinary principles. When you order a pasta
dish, you do so because you want to taste the pasta.
You don't want it smothered in cream sauce, you don't want it drowned
in a quart of red sauce to which two cups of sugar have been added –
although considering the dire lack of salt in Olive Garden's pasta,
maybe those options aren't so bad – and you don't want it piled
high with chunks of chicken. With apologies to carnivorous American
palates, in Italy a plate of lightly dressed pasta is
considered a meal. It doesn't
“need” meat, as
I've so often been told it does.
Oh, and by the way
Olive Garden, all that up front soup and salad and breadstick stuff?
You're doing it all wrong. It might be customarily American to serve
soup or salad before a meal and to have loads of bread on the table
as an “appetizer,” but that's not the Italian way of doing
things. In an authentic Italian meal, the pasta comes out first.
That's why they called it a “primo.” Soups and salads are served
later in the meal progression and bread is an accompaniment not a
course of its own.
But
then that's not what Americans expect and you've got to give people
what they expect if you want to stay in business. I've had many
Italian friends who operate restaurants tell me that they have to
serve stuff they'd never eat at home because customers expect it.
Spaghetti and meatballs, for example. And quantities? Dai!
Abbondanza be damned, no
self-respecting Italian would ever eat
as much food as gets piled on plates in American restaurants. The
average serving portioned out to a single American diner would feed a
family of four in an Italian household. My Italian friends know this,
of course, but they say, “If I don't serve it like this, people
will just go to Olive Garden.”
Believe me, I'm not
alone in my low opinion of Olive Garden. There's even a Twitter feed
for Olive Garden haters. One of the tweets says, “Cooking noodles
doesn't make you Italian. On behalf of America, I'd like to apologize
to Italy for @olivegarden.”
Don't
get me wrong; I do eat
at Olive Garden from time to time. Usually when I have gift cards
someone has given me or when there's one located right next to my
hotel or something. The “love” part of my relationship comes in
that there are actually some very good things to be found at Olive
Garden. The chicken gnocchi soup, for example, while not particularly
“Italian,” isn't bad at all. I've duplicated the recipe and my
wife likes mine better, but the original is still pretty good.
Especially when they manage to get more than one or two gnocchi in
the bowl. The “hate” part, however, is that there are also so
many things that could be SO much
better.
I could probably
find 294 pages worth of my own Olive Garden criticisms but I'll spare
you. Bottom line, if you're looking for Italian food, find one of the
thousands of little Mom and Pop Italian places dotting the culinary
landscape across the length and breadth of America.
Ninety-nine-point-nine- percent of them will be Italian-American
places but even the worst of them will be a better example of the
cuisine than Olive Garden.
Or you
might get lucky and stumble upon a place like Violino Ristorante
Italiano in Winchester, Virginia. Now that's Italian!
Or Galleria Umberto in Boston's North End. Best Sicilian pizza this
side of Palermo. There used to be great places in Charlotte, North
Carolina (Zarelli's) and in Orange Park, Florida (Ristorante
Sarnelli), both sadly gone but fondly remembered just because they
were so memorable. Sometimes you have to dig a little deeper. I found
some decent Italian food at an Italian family-run place in
Winston-Salem, North Carolina. It's called – are you ready for
this? – BLL Rotisserie Factory. Seriously. They're definitely not
trading on some faux-Italian name, are they? But they serve some good
Italian food, despite the funky name. (The specialty of the house, as
you might guess, is rotisserie chicken.) Good Italian food is out
there. You just have to look for it.
If, on the other
hand, you're willing to settle for mediocre fast-casual fare, stuff
that goes from truck to freezer to pot to plate like the stuff served
at Applebee's, Chili's, Ruby Tuesday, and a dozen other chain places
– except with vaguely Italian-sounding names – there's always
Olive Garden.