Restaurant Review: Waysider Restaurant, Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Just so you know, I do occasionally eat at places that are not Italian. Especially for breakfast, because I am big on breakfast and Italians are not. The traditional Italian idea of prima colazione is a cup of coffee and some kind of bread or pastry. At breakfast time, the voices of my English ancestors all scream “bacon, eggs, potatoes, pancakes, syrup, bread, butter, jam” – and I heed the voices.

And so it was on a recent Saturday morning that I sought to satisfy those genetic urges at a place in Tuscaloosa, Alabama called the “Waysider Restaurant.”

I first learned of the “Waysider” courtesy of ESPN. One of their schticks in covering local college football games is to send a guy out to “report” on the local cuisine. And so it was while watching the Crimson Tide wax one of a long string of hapless opponents in Tuscaloosa a couple of years ago that I saw the fluff piece on the “Waysider.”

This was the place, or so it was reported, that anybody who was anybody in Alabama football came to eat breakfast. Students ate here. Players ate here. Coaches ate here. A table was pointed out where once sat the great Saint Paul. I refer, of course, not to Saul of Tarsus who later became known as Paul after a conversion on the road to Damascus, but to Paul William Bryant of Arkansas who later became known as “Bear” after numerous conversions in the end zone. Around these parts, the distinction is often a little blurry.

“Waysider Restaurant” is located on busy Greensboro Avenue near the intersection with 15^th Street. A huge sign identifies it from the nearby interstate extension (I-359) that runs into downtown T-Town. But be advised; you will pass it at least twice before you find it and once you have found it you will similarly pass by the entrance to the parking area conveniently located around the block and in the rear of the building.

At first blush, the place looks like a prime candidate for Guy Fieri's “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.” (Are you listening, Guy?) Behind the sign, you'll see a tiny old house painted red and white – er, excuse me – crimson and white, and you'll likely say, “Okay, there's the gift shop. Where's the restaurant?” Once you step through the front door, immediately tuck in your elbows to avoid smacking the diner seated eighteen inches from the entrance in the head. (Voice of experience here.) If you're carrying a purse, briefcase, or backpack, best to leave it in the car. There simply won't be room for you and your luggage. I do not exaggerate when I say my living room is larger than the “Waysider's” dining area. And yet they manage to seat fifty-two – sixty if they bring out the folding chairs. Just picture sixty people seated in your living room – and tuck in your elbows.

Bear Bryant's table is a two-top located just to the left of the door that leads to the rest room. (It's not bronzed or anything. The owner told me about it.) My wife and I sat at an adjacent four-top just to the right of said door and politely positioned ourselves in the corner so as to minimize the shoehorning necessary for patrons wishing to access the facilities.

With the exception of a possible 5” x 7” spot near the rest room door, every square inch of wall space is covered with posters, prints, and photographs mostly associated with University of Alabama sports. There are a few pieces on display that relate to the restaurant itself – write-ups and reviews from some pretty impressive publications.

You see, despite the unprepossessing exterior and the overcrowded interior, this place has been ranked among the top breakfast eateries in the nation several times over by the likes of Esquire magazine, which commented that the establishment “offers a subtle red-eye gravy and the most straight-up cheese grits in the free world.” Similar praise can be found in Southern Living magazine and in a variety of other print and online sources. And they're all absolutely correct. This ain't no IHOP, Waffle House or Cracker Barrel, baby. Somebody here knows how to cook!

If you want perfect scrambled eggs, you can either make them at home following the advice in my article on perfect scrambled eggs, or you can head for the “Waysider.” I have had dried-out scrambled eggs with nasty brown bits of overcooked egg in so-called “breakfast” places all up and down this great land. I've also had them served weepy with tight, rubbery little curds that were unappetizing at best. The cooks at “The Waysider” have mastered the perfect scrambled egg. Moist, fluffy, light and delicious.

Similarly, I can seldom get restaurant bacon done right. (Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have an article on that subject in the queue, as well.) It's either floppy, soggy, greasy and almost raw or it's burned to an unpalatable crisp. Not so at “Waysider.” Not only is the cooking flawless, but the bacon itself is a perfect compromise between thin and thick sliced.

What are advertised on the menu as “hash browns” are actually home-fried or country-fried potatoes, but regardless of what you call them, they are superb. And I have never, ever eaten biscuits so ethereally light, soft, flaky and flavorful in any restaurant anywhere. I swear, I was tempted to peek into the kitchen to see if my mom was back there cooking.

My wife was equally effusive with her praise of the biscuits, which she enjoyed smothered in a coating of rich sausage gravy that would have made her grandmother green with envy. And she completely agrees with Esquire's estimation of the grits. Her exact word was, “amazing.” As with bacon and eggs, restaurants usually have difficulty getting grits right. They are invariably either dry and tasteless or runny and tasteless. The best grits require the love and attention that can only be found in home kitchens – or at the “Waysider.”

According to current owner Linda Smelley, that's the way things have been at the “Waysider” since “Miss Hanna” converted a house built in 1906 and opened it as a restaurant back in 1951, making “Waysider Restaurant” the oldest continuously operating restaurant in West Alabama. And the reason everything tastes like it comes from your mama's kitchen is because it sort of does. There's no white-coated brigade back there, just Hazel – who is in her early seventies – an assistant who's in his sixties, and Linda herself – and we won't discuss her age, but she's owned the place for about thirty years. And in all that time, the only thing she's changed have been the pictures on the walls.

Service was pretty good considering that everything served was prepared to order. Yeah, it might have been faster if they were plating upg food that had been cooked and held for hours, but the fresh, homemade quality of each dish made the wait a minor inconvenience. Besides, our waitress was extremely friendly and perky beyond all reasonable expectation.

“Waysider” serves breakfast and lunch Tuesday through Friday and breakfast only on Saturday and Sunday. They're closed on Mondays. No reservations, just stand in line and wait your turn. We arrived near the end of service on a summer Saturday, so our wait was only about fifteen minutes. Come around during football season and be prepared to wait for a much longer time. But it will be worth the wait, I guarantee. They don't advertise much – they don't need to. “Waysider” is one of those family traditions that gets passed on through the generations.

There is ample parking in a lot located behind the house – you just have to kind of loop the block to get there. Casual dress, obviously, and very family-friendly. Prices are reasonable; two of us ate our fill for less than twenty dollars, including beverages and some extra sides.

I didn't get around to asking about the origin of the name, but the “Shangri La Hotel” used to occupy the lot next door and the restaurant could just as easily have been called “Shangri La,” too. It's that good.

I was invited back to try the traditional Southern “meat and three” lunch sometime, an invitation I will gladly accept. It may not be Italian, but Tuscaloosa's “Waysider” is firmly on my list of favorites.

Waysider Restaurant
1512 Greensboro Ave.
Tuscaloosa, AL 35401
(205) 345-8239

July (2012) Food Holidays

Summertime and the living is......sticky. At least it is in my part of the world. I really do love stepping outside this time of year for a nice, fresh drink of air. But a little hot weather never cooled a big appetite, right?

July is National Hot Dog Month and the ubiquitous little sausages also get a day to themselves late in the month. And what's the preferred summertime method of cooking hot dogs? Why, grilling, of course! July is also National Grilling Month. And what would grilled hot dogs be without baked beans and ice cream? Both foods are stars this month. July is also National Bison Month, so toss some bison burgers on the grill. See how all these things work together?

It's odd that a month that is also National Culinary Arts Month would begin with National Canned Luncheon Meat Week, but it is what it is.

Gingersnaps and ice cream go well together, right? So get in the spirit on July 1, Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and National Gingersnap Day all rolled into one.

The second of July belongs to anisette and you are encouraged to Eat Beans on July 3^rd, a day also dedicated to chocolate wafers. Hmmmm.

Celebrate our nation's birthday with fireworks and ribs. That's right. July 4th is National Barbecued Spareribs Day.

Have a nice apple turnover on its day, July 5, but save some room for chicken. July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day.

The next several days are devoted to sweet substances: strawberry sundaes on July 7, chocolate with almonds on the 8^th, and sugar cookies on July 9.

Pick some blueberries on July 10, Pick Blueberries Day, and then make some blueberry muffins on July 11, National Blueberry Muffin Day.

National Pecan Pie Day happens on July 12.

A day I can get behind, National French Fries Day, is July 13. It's also Beans 'n' Franks Day.

The French celebrate Bastille Day on July 14. Every else celebrates macaroni on that day.

How do tapioca pudding and gummy worms sound to you? Yeah, I think so, too. But both things are celebrated (separately, I assume) on July 15.

Corn fritters have a day of their own on July 16 and peach ice cream gets a nod on the 17^th.

Nothing says “summer” like fish eggs. National Caviar Day is July 18.

July 19 is National Daiquiri Day, and you may need a drink to prepare for the next day.

It all comes together on July 20, a day on which you can honor lollipops, fortune cookies, ice cream sodas and hot dogs! What an eventful day! Maybe Pepto-Bismol should sponsor it.

If you've still got the stomach for it, the next day is National Ice Cream Day and the day after that is National Penuche Fudge Day. Go look it up. I had to.

Now don't confuse your ice cream days, here. The 20^th is for ice cream sodas, okay? The 21^st is just for ice cream in general, and July 23 is specifically National Vanilla Ice Cream Day. Skip a day, and you get National Hot Fudge Sundae Day on July 25, and coffee milkshakes get a day on the 26^th.

Fire up your torches for National Crème Brûlée on July 27.

National Milk Chocolate Day is July 28, but I wouldn't leave any in the car for too long.

Garfield and I both celebrate July 29. It's National Lasagna Day!

National Cheesecake Day falls on July 30 and then the month goes out with a bang as raspberry cake, cotton candy, and jelly beans all fight for recognition on July 31. If that's not an excuse for a three-day bellyache, I don't know what is.

See you in August!

At Last! A Conversation With Giada De Laurentiis

I guess it's no secret that I like and admire Giada De Laurentiis. I have previously written a couple of pieces defending her from jealous and/or uninformed detractors, scribblings which several thousand of you have read, thankyewverymuch. In those missives I openly admit that my opinions are based solely upon television viewing, for I had never had the pleasure of meeting Giada in person. Until recently. And the results of that meeting have placed me even more firmly in her corner. Bad-mouthing nitwits, twits, and gits should be ashamed of their ignorance. Giada De Laurentiis is a truly nice person.

My only critique of my first “Giada Experience” is that, unlike Bobby Flay and other culinary celebs I've hooked up with, Giada's retinue is more reflective of her Hollywood roots. She has “handlers” and “people” and agents who form barriers and hold up hoops through which one must jump in order to get close to their “star.” Now, at the risk of sounding conceited, folks, this was not my first rodeo. Over a career spanning nearly forty years in the entertainment business, I have developed calluses on my elbows from rubbing them with “stars.” I have shared stages and backstages with celebrities of every stripe and agents, handlers and “people” just don't impress me. And they seldom deter me, either.

Thanks to some quality interference running from PR maven extraordinaire Jill Collins, I finally got some face time with my personal culinary goddess between demo shows at the recent Metropolitan Cooking and Entertaining Show in Atlanta. And, man, was it worth the effort.

First, a few words about Giada's live demo show. Warm. Fun. Engaging. Charming. Open. Enjoyable. Much like the woman herself. No pun intended, but people were eating out of her hand the minute she stepped onto the stage. She fielded questions from the audience, cooked side-by-side with eager volunteers, and presented delicious food in a manner that said, “C'mon. You can do this, too.” Kind of like a live, interactive version of “Everyday Italian.”

Back in the “green room,” it was pretty obvious that Giada was a little tired. Even so, she was unfailingly warm and gracious as we were introduced. Seated in a large overstuffed chair, she seemed even more diminutive than she does on TV. But that dazzling smile – the one that so many goofs criticize as “fake” – was, indeed, very real and immediately lent an open and friendly aura to the conversation that followed. Because the room's seating arrangement wasn't exactly optimal for small recording devices, Giada obligingly allowed me to sit literally at her feet as we chatted. And never once did I drool on her shoes.

RJ: Let me start by clarifying two things: First of all, your name is “Giada.”

GDL: Yes....

RJ: It has two syllables: “jah-dah.” It's not “gee-ah-dah.”

GDL: It's not. It's actually “jyah-dah.”

RJ: Means “jade.”

GDL: Correct, it does. But, you know, I answer to almost anything. So a lot of people who can't pronounce my name, I just tell them to call me “G.”

RJ: And the other thing to clarify is the fact that, yes, you really are a cook. You really are a chef. You do have formal training, you do have experience. I know you don't need any defense from people like me, but I have actually written some things defending you against the people who have always said, “Oh, she's just a pretty face.”

GDL: (sighs) I know.

RJ: But, no, that's not true. You really do have the background to justify your position in the culinary world, correct?

GDL: I do. I think that … I think it's going to be an ongoing battle forever. But that's okay. I think that the proof is in the pudding, and I truly believe that if I didn't have the culinary chops and I didn't write recipes that worked and that people loved, I guess I wouldn't be here almost ten years later. And you know, I think that people will talk about you regardless, and it doesn't matter whether you're doing great or you're not doing great, up or down, there's always going to be haters and there's always going to be people who like you and you just can't please everybody. My food isn't for everyone. It just isn't. It's my food, the way I like it, and some people will like it and some people won't and that's okay.

RJ: Well, now, you know, I talked to some people in line here before...this morning...for your book signing, and one of the questions I was asking them is, “Why are you such a fan of Giada's? Why do you like Giada De Laurentiis?” And I got the same answer....

GDL: They're all like, “Wait! That's who I'm here to see? It's not Paula Deen? This is the wrong day!” Just teasing.

RJ: ... but I got the same answer from a lot of them, and that was, “because Giada's food is so approachable. It's so easy. You know, I watch Giada on TV and I think, 'I could cook like that.'” Is that kind of where you wanted to go when you started out with “Everyday Italian” and through the progression of shows and things you've done since then? To make your food and your cooking accessible to people?

GDL: I think when I started “Everyday Italian” my goal was to allow people to be able to make really good, easy Italian food at home. The way my mom did. And I think that most people believed that in order to get great Italian food you had to go to an Italian restaurant. You couldn't possibly recreate those dishes at home. And I wanted to demystify that. My mom made great Italian food, very simple. You know, there were four kids to feed and I felt like, wait a second...I don't think you guys realize that great Italian food is actually very simple and that if you go to an Italian's house in Italy, you will not find the same food that you find in restaurants that's all gussied up. Italian food is not gussied up. And that's truly what my ultimate goal was. And I like to eat simple, good, clean food. You know, I'm not saying I'm a low-fat cook or a gluten-free cook or any of those things, but I like simple, good food. Just like many of my counterparts on Food Network do. Everybody has they're own spin on the food. This is my spin on my Italian food and all I ever wanted was for people to see it and to think, “I can do that, and I think my family's going to love it. And I can do it pretty easily and pretty quickly. And it's going to turn out every time and I'm going to wow my friends and family without spending tons and tons of time in the kitchen.” And I'm hoping that, ultimately, that has always been my goal and that is what I … you know, every time I write a recipe, that is what I'm thinking about.

RJ: There's your show and a lot of other shows that pioneered on the Food Network that we call the “dump and stir” shows, but it seems more now – and without biting the hand that feeds you too much – it seems more like we're going to shows about food as opposed to shows where you create food. Do you see that as a trend or do you think there's a place for both?

GDL: I definitely think there's a place for both. I think that's also why Food Network started the Cooking Channel, because there were a large group of people who really wanted to go back to the traditional just straight cooking show. They're really looking to learn and I think that Food Network...like MTV did. They started out with music videos but then they went to reality shows and you saw very few music videos, and so everybody sort of after awhile drifts apart from their main core audience. And so to go back to the core, they started Cooking Channel. And I think that my show, “Giada at Home,” at this point is more of a lifestyle show. Yes, there's recipes and cooking and I do teach you how to cook, but I also teach you how to live a certain type of lifestyle. Entertaining tips, etc, etc. And “Everyday Italian,” which is now on the Cooking Channel, is straight cooking demo, and so I do believe that there is a place for both things. People are looking for both. And there are some people that aren't looking for both and there's a place to find either one. So it's just amazing how it has exploded. Look at you, doing a job that you probably didn't think you could do ten years ago or didn't think there was a niche for it …

RJ: True.

GDL: ...so and now you do. Now there is.

RJ: Final thought: where do you think food is going? What do you see the direction...I ask everybody this. I asked Bobby Flay last year – it's my stock question. But what direction do you see food taking in the next few years? It's gone from cooking everything out of a box and a can, now we have more emphasis on fresh ingredients and things like that. So where do you see the trend?

GDL: I think people want healthier food. They want healthier, clean food and they want to know what's in their food. And I think people are starting to get away from buying canned and boxed items and realizing that it's really not good for you in the long term and not good for our children, and they're starting to...ah...look at...there's farmers markets all over this country. Five years ago you couldn't find that. Maybe you found it once a week in maybe a big city. Now you find them everywhere. People are looking for fresh, simple ingredients. People want to eat well, but they want creative ways to do that. So I really see a shift changing. I think people are getting away from fast food. I think they are getting away from processed food and boxed food. I think people are really spending time learning to actually cook food from scratch. And gardening. I think a lot of people are starting to plant little gardens in their backyard...

RJ: Again.

GDL: Again. It's so cyclical, you know what I mean?

RJ: Yeah, had one when I was a kid.

GDL: Yeah, but then we got away from it. Because of convenience. And because we wanted things quickly. Now we realize that that convenience is actually killing us and killing our children. So we're going to go back to what our parents did. And maybe spend a little more time understanding what we're putting in our bodies. You know, I think we spend a lot of money on a lot of superficial exterior things and we're not taking care of this vessel that has to carry us through a very long lifetime. And every single thing that you put in your mouth has a payoff. You will pay, one way or the other, for every single thing. And we should treat our bodies like a temple and only put the best stuff in it. That's where I think we're going. I think we're starting to realize that.

RJ: You could write for my blog.

GDL: I think it's wonderful! I do! I'm so proud that Americans are so interested in food. When I moved here with my family thirty-some years ago, it wasn't like this. TV dinners were the rage. That's what everybody ate.

RJ: There's been a sea change and I think you're part of it. People like you and your colleagues at the Food Network. I think...

GDL: I think Food Network has had a big impact. It's wonderful that they've embraced it. I mean, they could have chosen not to. And they did. And after 9-11 people are hungry for tradition and culture and love and connection. I mean, that's what food does for people. It connects people. And that's what they want. They want some kind of connection with somebody and I think that Food Network does a great job of giving them that in many different forms.

RJ: I thank you for your time. I know you're busy and I appreciate it.

GDL: Thank you.

RJ: Giada De Laurentiis, grazie mille!

GDL: Grazie ti!

Book Review: "To Romance, With Love" by Dave Valletta

I was cruising the vendor booths at the Metropolitan Cooking and Entertaining Show in Atlanta a few weeks ago. Tucked away among the merchants selling everything from orange juice to exotic sea salts was a small cubicle occupied by a charming and friendly couple, Dave and Denise Valletta. They weren't hawking barbecue sauce or kitchen gadgets; they were selling romance.

I'm a firm believer in the romantic possibilities of the kitchen. I have frequently spoken and written on the subject of cooking as a form of couples' therapy. My wife and I live in our kitchen. It's where we exercise our culinary passion to create delicious food. It's also where we go to talk, laugh, and have a good time together. Whether commercial or home, there are no “chores” or “tasks” in our kitchens. There is no drudgery, only mutual enjoyment of a shared activity. So I was immediately drawn to and intrigued by Dave's book, “To Romance, With Love.”

Subtitled as “A Cookbook for Lovers and Those Who Want to Be,” the book is 115 pages of fun. The first thing you'll notice is the book's unique design. It's a sturdy spiral-bound hardback with slick, glossy pages that are intended to actually be used in the kitchen. The text is cleverly divided into chapters with headings like “Ready for a Romantic Dinner,” which outlines the “ingredients” for the perfect romantic evening. “Being Equipped to Romance” lists the pots and pans and kitchen tools you'll need to execute the recipes contained in the book's later chapters. There are also chapters on “The Passionate Pantry,” “The Menu,” and other nuts-and-bolts topics as well as some cute chapters with titles like, “The First Time Ever She Saw Him Cook.”

One of the book's most interesting features are the recipes themselves. They are all organized on individual “menu” pages that are neatly tucked into their own little pockets. For instance, the “I Got You, Babe” menu consists of an appetizer of bruschetta followed by an arugula w/ tomato and Parmesan salad. The entrée is Chicken Marsala with a vegetable side of asparagus with garlic. The dessert “suggestion” calls for strawberries with chocolate sauce. There's a gorgeous photo facing the little pocket containing the menu card. On the reverse side of the card are the actual recipes for the entire meal. As a bonus, the pocket also contains a shopping list for all the ingredients. I mean, a real list you can actually take out and carry to the grocery store.

To add to the fun, the pockets all feature quotes on love and romance. The quote accompanying the “I Got You, Babe” menu on page 33 says, “A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” – Anonymous.

According to his bio blurb on Amazon.com, “Dave Valletta has had a lifelong romance with food. Ever since his mother first showed him how to prepare sauces as a young boy, Dave developed a love for cooking. He continued to experiment with different flavors, putting his own sumptuous spin on classic meals. He is a frequent host for friends and family, who ultimately convinced him that he needed to share his unique recipes with others."

"Although Dave is passionate about cooking, the true love of his life, and the inspiration for this cookbook, is his wife Denise. For the past 26 years they have enjoyed a loving marriage filled with great fun, food, faith and four wonderful children. As a hopeless romantic, Dave uses every opportunity to romance his wife and believes that is the key to a happy successful marriage. He truly believes that preparing a romantic night for your spouse is one of the most rewarding experiences."

"Dave has spent the last three years compiling his delectable recipes and romance tips to create 'To Romance, With Love', the ultimate guide to igniting the flame in any marriage.”

Part cookbook, part advice column, and part philosophy of love and romance, “To Romance, With Love” is a wonderful addition to any lovers' kitchen – or, as the subtitle indicates, to the kitchen of anyone desirous of being a lover. Any couple, newlywed or old retread, will benefit from the advice and techniques contained within these pages.

The recipes, text, and photographs for “To Romance, With Love” are all by Dave Valletta, who states that the book is “not possible without Denise Valletta.” It is richly illustrated by Christine Kerrick and is privately published by To Romance With Love, LLC, ©2009. Available through www.toromancewithlove.com, the book is also listed on Amazon.com.

Buy a copy today and cook something for – or, better still, with – someone you love tonight.

Out With the Old Pyramid and In With the New Food Plate

I seldom have to second guess myself or struggle to take a position on something. That said, I've written and rewritten this post three times over the course of the last four days because I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Am I the only food writer in the world who is not rapturous over the USDA's newest dietary icon?

Quick quiz: what's the first thing you associate with a pyramid? Egypt, right? Pharaohs, camels, sand, etc. Now, what do you associate with a plate? Ding, ding ding! You've got it! Food!

Somebody in Washington did some cogitating and the decades-old “food pyramid” employed by the USDA to outline and depict its dietary recommendations is going bye-bye, replaced by a “simpler” and “more symbolic” plate. Okay, so maybe the “plate” looks suspiciously like a pie chart, but at least it's a step in the right direction. Anything's better than the universally ridiculed and reviled “pyramid.” Or is it?

I'm trying to like the new plate, I truly am. But while my colleagues are all composing symphonies in praise of the fabulous innovation, I keep catching glimpses of the man behind the curtain.

Now, the government has been in the “dietary recommendation” business for a long time, issuing its first edict back in 1894, long before many of the current foundations of nutrition were even known. (No vitamins back in those days.) They came up with the RDA (Recommended Dietary Allowance) around 1941. The “Basic Four Food Groups” soon followed. Conceived in the 1950s, the “Basic Four” consisted of 1) meats, poultry, fish, dried beans and peas, eggs, and nuts; 2) dairy products, including milk, cheese, and yogurt; 3) grains, such as wheat, rice, oats, and corn; 4) fruits and vegetables. A fifth “basic” group -- fats, sweets and alcoholic beverages – was added in the '70s. But now that the “Basic Four” (or Five) was established, the problem became one of proportions. How much of what group was one supposed to consume? A nifty graphic representation of some kind was called for and so came about the first “Food Pyramid.”

Officially called the “Improved American Food Guide Pyramid,” it was introduced in 1992, although the concept had been kicked around and tweaked since the late '70s. The pyramid depicted a wide base of bread, cereal, rice and pasta (6 to 11 servings) followed by a divided layer of fruits (2 to 4 servings) and vegetables (3 to 5 servings). Next came the bifurcated level for meats (2 to 3 servings) and dairy (2 to 3 servings). Capping the pyramid was the “fats, oils, and sweets” group, with the recommendation “use sparingly.”

The pyramid was criticized immediately by the meat and dairy industries, both of which accused the government of attempting to marginalize their products. Nutritionists of every calling took potshots at everything from the pyramid's indiscriminate lumping of fats together regardless of nutritional value to the similar wholesale inclusion of all proteins as being equal. The lactose-intolerant objected to the high priority assigned to dairy products, the vegetarians howled about the preponderance of meat and dairy, and everybody complained about the overall lack of clarity. For instance, the 2 to 3 servings from the meat group was intended as a maximum recommendation, while the 2 to 4 fruit servings was supposed to be a minimum, information not really made clear by the pyramid.

The whole structure was turned on its ear – literally – in 2005 and relabeled “MyPyramid: Steps To a Healthier You.” Unfortunately, the graphic was even wackier than the original. Gone were the horizontally stacked building blocks, replaced by brightly colored vertical stripes theoretically depicting the proper proportions of each food group. But while it made for an eye-appealing picture to put on cereal boxes and such, it was deemed clumsy and vague in its purpose. And the idea that throwing a guy walking up a flight of stairs set into the side of the thing was supposed to indicate the addition of exercise to diet was whimsical at best.

But now it's out with the Pyramid and in with the Plate. “My Plate,” to be exact, and you can check it out for yourself at www.choosemyplate.gov.

The new icon is divided into four sections representing protein, grain, fruits, and vegetables. For some reason, dairy products get their own plate. Go figure. There's also a fork to the left of the plate, indicating at least that somebody at the USDA knows how to set a proper table.

Like the last version of the pyramid, there are lots of bright colors. But although First Lady Michelle Obama calls the new symbol “a quick, simple reminder for all of us to be more mindful of the foods that we're eating,” it doesn't seem that the plate is any better at outlining a healthy diet than was the pyramid.

At first glance it's pretty obvious that the green section representing vegetables is the largest. The brown(ish) slice depicting grains is slightly smaller but still larger than the red and sort of purple sections that show fruits and proteins, respectively. And there's dairy, a little blue plate over on the right. If you look at it the way the government wants you to see it, you'll realize that the fruit and vegetable sections, although unequal in size in and of themselves, comprise the entire left half of the plate, indicating – in the USDA's vision – that fruits and vegetables should make up half of your daily diet. Grains and proteins – the right side of the plate – should be the other half, with more grains that proteins because the larger grain section is on top of the smaller protein section. And then there's dairy, a little unexplained blue plate over on the right. No more fats, sweets, and alcohol apparently. Not even a napkin ring for them. The little guy climbing the stairs is gone, too, so it seems exercise is no longer a part of the picture.

There are no suggested servings – nothing to tell you how much of this or how little of that to consume. No percentages, no portion sizes, nothing advising you of what substances to limit or avoid – no real information at all. Just another pretty, colorful picture.

You likely don't want to know how many of your tax dollars went into this redesign boondoggle, but rest assured, the “experts” say that the plate will help people make better food choices because many people found the pyramid to be too complicated. Let's see...a wide base for grains with a smaller layer divided between fruits and vegetables, then a smaller layer divided between meats and dairy, and finally a tiny little top layer for fats and sweets. My goodness, yes. It's easy to see how that could confuse somebody. It's much simpler to say that half of your diet should come from two food groups and half from the other two, because, mathematically speaking, two halves make a whole, right? Except for that little portion of dairy out there in right field that doesn't seem to belong anywhere and we just won't talk about fats and sweets, even though diabetes and obesity are rampant.

“My Plate” is certainly less cluttered than its triangular predecessor. I mean, it's a circle divided into four slightly unequal parts. (Plus a separate little circle off to the right.) How much simpler could an icon be? But for all its alleged clarity and simplicity, does it really tell you anything?

In fairness, if you actually take the time to go to the previously cited site, all the information you could ever desire is both copious and clear. The website is an absolute font of diet and nutrition knowledge, jam-packed with all kinds of facts and figures and tips and ideas. But until the Feds figure out how to put it all on a cereal box, My Plate is no different than MyPyramid. It's a pretty picture that is not really worth the thousand words it took to describe it. (Actually, 1368 words, but who's counting?)

Memorial Day -- A Day of Remembrance, Not a Day to "Celebrate"

This post comes under the "whatever else pops into my head" category since it has nothing to do with food, travel, or entertainment. Or does it?

Memorial Day, as it is "celebrated" in the United States today is all about food, travel, and entertainment. And sales. Don't forget the sales.

It's the "unofficial beginning of summer." Most people are off work and they head to the beach or the mountains or the backyard for a long weekend of grilling and eating and drinking and partying. That, to them, is the reason Memorial Day exists. "Happy Memorial Day," I heard some dope on the radio proclaim.

Stop!

Look up the word "memorial." My dictionary says,"Something designed to preserve the memory of a person, event, etc." Nowhere does the definition include the words "party" or "sale." Memorial Day is not a "happy" occasion and it is not to be "celebrated." It is, rather an event to be reflected upon and observed. It is not all about the beginning of summer, unofficial or otherwise, and it is most certainly not a time for merchants to exploit as still another excuse for a "sale."

Originally called "Decoration Day," -- from the practice of decorating the graves of the war dead with flowers and flags -- the day is intended to honor and commemorate US soldiers who died in military service. Think about that before "Happy Memorial Day" next passes your lips. Originally conceived to honor the Union dead from the Civil War, it was first observed on May 30, 1868 -- a date chosen specifically because it was not the anniversary of any battle or conflict -- following a proclamation issued on May 5 of that year by Gen. John A. Logan, acting in his capacity as Commander-in-Chief of a veteran's organization called the Grand Army of the Republic, in which he stated that Decoration Day should be observed nationwide.

Although considered a "Yankee" holiday at its inception, the South followed suit and created a day to commemorate its dead. That day was frequently June 3, Confederate President Jefferson Davis' birthday. But time healed the rift and by the close of World War I, Decoration Day or Memorial Day was observed with equanimity across the nation, honoring the dead from all wars.

My grandmother still referred to the day as "Decoration Day" in the 1960s, but the term "Memorial Day" was first applied in the 1880s and came into common use following World War II.

Still observed with patriotic parades and speeches when I was growing up in the '50s and early '60s, the transmogrifying of Memorial Day from a day of quiet and respectful reflection to one of riotous partying and crass commercialism began in earnest when the day was included in 1968's Uniform Holidays Bill, enacted into law in 1971. The measure was designed by some idiot to do nothing more than create convenient three-day weekends to appease the masses. Thus Memorial Day was stripped of its original date of observance to become a "Monday Holiday."

Several groups, including the VFW, advocate returning Memorial Day to its traditional date. In its 2002 Memorial Day Address the VFW stated that "Changing the date merely to create three-day weekends has undermined the very meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed a lot to the general public's nonchalant observance of Memorial Day." I wholeheartedly agree. Check out the site at http://www.usmemorialday.org/ where you'll find more information about a movement to restore Memorial Day to its proper status.
Inasmuch as there is a lot being said about keeping "Christ" in "Christmas," should there not be equal energy expended to keeping the "Memory" in "Memorial Day?"

If there must be a "beginning of summer" ritual, all well and good. Party, get drunk, overeat, and spend egregious sums of money if you so desire. But let's name it accordingly. We've managed to transform the Easter vacation of my youth into "Spring Break" and other PC euphemisms, so let's call the last weekend of May "Summer Saturnalia" or something and leave Memorial Day out of the whole wretched excess to be observed as it was originally intended.

Excuse me, but I have to swing by the cemetery on my way to the big party at the beach and tell my uncle who died in World War I military service about the latest sale we're having in his honor.

News Flash: FDA Says Pink Pigs Are Okay!

Okay, so you know the FDA has been forcing you to overcook your pork for, oh, the last million years or so, right? But no more! Rejoice, swine lovers, for the Food and Drug Administration has finally come to its collective senses and sanctioned something that most of us have already been doing for years; cooking pork to a lower temperature.

The new recommendation for whole cuts of pork is 145°F as measured with a food thermometer placed in the thickest part of the meat. This reflects a significant lowering from the previously established 160° mark and will now result in a bit of (gasp!) pinkness showing up in “the other white meat.” (Oops! Sorry. I forgot. The people who push pork now want us to “Be Inspired,” so just pretend I didn't mention “the other white meat.”)

Anyway, as I said before, from restaurant pros to savvy home cooks, nobody has paid any attention to the 160° recommendation in many, many years. With the exception of the FDA, everybody else figured out long ago that the restriction was outdated and unnecessary and that it produced dried out, badly overdone pork. So why did the Federal Food Folks recommend it in the first place? That I can tell you in one word! Tradition! No wait! That was Tevye in “Fiddler On The Roof.” The FDA's word was trichinosis.

Once upon a time, illness caused by the larvae of the parasitic trichinella worm often present in raw or undercooked pork was a real cause for concern. Mild cases of trichinosis produce the usual unpleasant enteric symptoms of nausea, heartburn, diarrhea and the like. Severe cases – where the little buggers reach the central nervous system – can be fatal. But due to decades of vastly improved farming and processing methods, the incidence rate of trichinosis in the US is down to fewer than 40 cases a year, and those cases are generally attributable to ingestion of wild game. And besides, trichinosis bacteria drop deader than little hammers at 138°. To illustrate a case in point, there once was a little kid back in the early '60s who used to love snacking on raw bacon. My.....er, his mother used to scream “trichinosis” every time she caught him doing it, but he persisted until he reached an age at which he realized for himself how disgusting the practice was. And still he survived without ever contracting the disease. That would likely not have been the case in an earlier time. (Please, whatever you do, realize that that was an anecdote and not an endorsement of eating raw bacon!)

The nutritional nature of pork has changed over the years as well. According to the National Pork Board, today's pork is fifteen percent leaner and twenty-seven percent lower in saturated fat than the pork products of twenty years ago.

There are a couple of caveats attached to the new guidelines. For one thing, the FDA now officially recommends something intelligent cooks already practice; allowing cooked meat to rest. The “official” rest period for pork cooked to 145° is three minutes. (Carry-over or residual heating during that time will likely result in a finished temperature of about 150°.)

Secondly, cooks and consumers should be aware that the new numbers relate only to cuts of whole pork. Ground pork should still be cooked to 160°.

And the FDA wants you to know that the changes only apply to pork. Safe cooking temperatures for other meats remain unchanged. For instance, you still need to cook poultry to 165°.

But if you're okay with a little pink in your pork, the government is now okay with it, too. No more hockey puck pork chops. The Fed says you can now safely enjoy those tender, succulent, medium-rare chops, tenderloins, and roasts you've probably already been enjoying, much to your grandmother's horror and chagrin. Of course, some people are never satisfied. Michael Symon, the “Iron Chef” with a pig tattooed over his heart, regrets that the FDA didn't lower the temperature another ten degrees. I'll bet he used to eat raw bacon when he was a kid, too.

One forty-five is in! So pig out!